Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
