you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
