Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize