i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
