I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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