too bad you live with your parents still
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
