Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
