I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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