if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he thought i was a dude.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
