and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize