I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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