My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Text me some of your sweat
Your penis caused this!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
