Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
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I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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