this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
