I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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