You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
