a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
