It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
