im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
