You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
