Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
