false alarm. still invincible.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
