Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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