Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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