he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
