C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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