i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
