Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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