Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
