on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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