What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
