he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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