Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
