All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
