dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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