I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
