New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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