i just had sex bonerless
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
