Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
