just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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