oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
bring money and cleavage
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
