Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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