shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i love accidental penises.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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