doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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