At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
