i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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