Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
