My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
