so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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