everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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