Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
