Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
