I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
