swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
