I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
