You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
