soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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