textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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