as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
