i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
