Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
