Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
