I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
