Will you blow on my dice?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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