dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize