I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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