she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?