No, you can still breathe under the balls.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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