I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have fence marks all over my body
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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