mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
