She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
