I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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