My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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