i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
look no pants
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
