someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
